Roommate Advice

The 3 Types of Dating Advisers


And the Debate Begins

Today I came home with a dating dilemma. I live in Provo Utah so this is nothing new. When you live in the marriage capital of the world these conversations are absolutely unavoidable. For guys who have never seen how these conversations unfold, here is how the situation begins…. I say something along the lines of “Guess who just called me”, my roommates spend literally 5 minutes naming every guy I have dated or looked at in the last 10 years.

Carly Bird Dating

While roommate 1, 2, and 3 keep guessing, Gray’s anatomy is paused and everyone magically transforms into their sweats. Laptops are opened, Facebook is warming up, the ice cream lid has just been pried off with a giant spoon, and GIRL TALK is ready to begin.

What I have realized over the years is that although the roommates may change, the dating advice does not. There always seems to be three basic types of advisers on every dating panel. So here goes. The three voices of reason:

The Voice of Logic

THANK GOODNESS for this roommate. This is the one that immediately shuts down any rash or unconventional ideas. She is usually on her computer throughout the entire dating conversation and is only paying enough attention to keep it from breaking out into a women’s rights protest. She thinks any discussion about men could have been resolved two hours ago and doesn’t believe in over-analyzing hugs, texts, re-tweets, or “looks from across the room.”

In my experience if this roommate is on vacation you should: A) Hide your phone and B) Lock down your computer until they can come back to monitor potentially bad decisions. The only times I have ever showed up crying on my ex-boyfriends doorstep, thrown eggs at someone’s window, or written a dramatic Facebook status using lyrics from Dashboard Confessional…my “voice of logic” was out of town.

The Voice of Love

This roommate is the one that pulls up wedding videos or So You Think You Can Dance routines to solve any dating crisis. They use phrases like, “BUT HE LOVES YOU, YOU CAN JUST TELL!” or “You could literally be married in 3 months” before you have even finished a second date. This roommate has Anthropologies’ wedding line bookmarked on Google and shortcut links to all your potential lovers on Facebook. Not only that, but she has a mental roll-a-dex of index cards with examples of people who have gone through your same situation and made it work.

As much as you may think this roommate should be punished for loving wedding cake and eating it too, she is the HOPE stabilizer in the apartment. You always need someone looking at the glass half full even if the water hasn’t been poured yet.

The Voice of Not Using Your Voice and Making Out Instead

This roommate is my favorite. According to her Shakira had it wrong when she said “hips don’t lie” it was actually LIPS don’t lie. You can recognize this roommate simply by the fact that she is usually the one yelling “JUST MAKE OUT WITH HIM.” Most of her advice consists of copying the climatic ending from her favorite chick flick. This means you…yes… kissing someone… in the rain, on a baseball field, or right before your could-be-lover gets on a plane to leave your life FOREVER (but really just two weeks for Christmas break.) Although kissing may not be the correct answer for the situation the lip-lover is trying to make a point. Why are you sitting here talking about it when you could be doing something about it?

Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires

So there you have it. The three voices of reason who independently could be considered unreasonable. These three dating gurus can give amazing pointers, but remember to keep balance in all things. While they may give good suggestions, the only ideas worth noting are the ones that align with your own common sense about the situation and settle away from the extreme.

Just like only YOU can prevent forest fires, only YOU can prevent a reenactment of Casa Blanca gone terribly wrong.

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  • Reply Kaneischa Johnson January 23, 2012 at 1:59 am

    Carly, this is a gem. More truth was never stated. haha!

  • Reply Russell Jensen January 23, 2012 at 2:02 am

    Carly you have a blog! Nice! I don’t know how I missed this one. I will be a regular and faithful reader!

  • Reply the cousin January 23, 2012 at 3:07 am

    I love this. Also, I know which one I am 😉

  • Reply Cari January 28, 2012 at 1:06 am

    Love it! I’m pretty sure I’m all three … I can throw out any of those quotes at any time. But I think lip action is usually what I say when I’m tired of talking about it.

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