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Breaking Up With Kent Tuttle

For those of you who don’t know, I was recently featured on an internet dating show called The Mormon Bachelor as a bachelorette. It was announced today that the bachelor, Kent Tuttle, has decided to leave the show. I have had some rough break ups in the past, but I have to say that this one is probably the hardest. I wasn’t expecting a relationship with so much promise, and so many unique page views on the internet, to end so fast. I also wasn’t expecting to get dumped by Kent’s producer’s intern via iPhone (Devin you did a great job and should get a raise.) Since I didn’t get the bad news from Kent Tuttle himself, I am left to assume the worst. Here are just a few reasons why I think our relationship may have ended.

1. Not Playing Hard to Get

There are two rules to playing hard to get. A) Put in little to no effort B) Keep your affections mysterious. Considering the fact that I spent time filling out an application to date Kent Tuttle, followed by a web video, followed by a Facebook post with comments from my girlfriends that said, “You will thank me when you are in Kent Tuttle’s arms.” It was difficult to play the mysterious “maybe I like you, maybe I don’t” card.

2. Playing too Hard to Get

Unfortunately, when I applied for TMB (Lingo for The Mormon Bachelor) nobody informed me that Kent Tuttle would be moving into my ward before the show actually taped. Trying to start a conversation with someone you made a web video to date and never planned on seeing outside of context is harder than you would think. My solution? Running. It was sort of a “bad luck to see the bride before the wedding” type of mindset. Our date wasn’t for two weeks and I wanted our first moments together to be caught on camera for our future kids to see. What I didn’t realize while I was diving behind church pews, is that Kent was getting the impression that I wasn’t interested. My distance was the beginning of a downward spiral in our relationship that ultimately drove a heartbroken Tuttle into the arms of another woman.

3. Trust Issues

I started getting an uneasy feeling about me and Kent’s relationship on June 8th when I read the following statement on his blog, “I am 6’6″ and my high center of gravity makes surfing a little tricky for me.” I had the sinking feeling that he might have been lying. A few days later my worst fears were confirmed by an anonymous friend who happens to be 6’6″.

Our foundation of trust was shattered.

4. Revealing Deal Breakers

Emily Maynard charmed the world when she used the Flawless Flaws strategy on a recent episode of the Bachelorette. The Flawless Flaws strategy is simple. You reveal flaws that are just big enough to show you aren’t too perfect, but small enough to not be considered a party foul. For example one of Emily’s go-to’s is “I go to the grocery store in my pajamas.” By using simple phrases like this one, she is able to show the world that although she is gorgeous and a new-born celebrity…she is a real person too.

In my efforts to seem real and relateable on camera, I revealed several flaws on my audition tape. Unfortunately, I underestimated the impact my honesty would have on Kent, Cougs Rock, and 5b30e80e-b23e-11-e-b2d3-000bcdca4d7a. Read below…

The flaws I revealed were shocking enough to elicit a “wow” response from both blog commenters. Coincidence? I don’t think so. It was looking very possible that my plan backfired and that I revealed deal breakers instead of minor road bumps too early in the relationship. In an effort to prove I was still worthy of Kent’s love I recently ran to the only place I could think of to get honest raw feedback, Venice Beach…. I asked the following men if each of these things were deal breakers.

Battle For Kent’s Love: COUGS ROCK VS. CARLYBIRD

Round 1: No Cooking Skills

Round 1 Winner- Carlybird. This response was common from the males I interviewed at Venice beach. Shocking? Not really. Yes Cougs Rock, guys outside of Provo don’t live off of frozen taquitos, hot pockets, and whatever is left over in the neighbor girl’s pantry. Man up and buy a skillet.

Round 2: Bad Driving

Round 2 Winner- Cougs Rock. I would like to respectfully apologize to Cougs Rock and drivers everywhere for not holding my circle.

Round 3: Bad Dancing

Round 3 Winner- Cougs Rock. In this instance, I am really glad that Cougs Rock tried to stop me from dancing before it was too late. I am very lucky I made it this far in the competition without getting shot. Since I live in LA, I am lucky I haven’t been shot in general but it’s good to know that revealing my Robyn-like dance moves could increase my chances.

Round 4: Gold Digging

Round 4 Winner- CarlyBird It looks like 5b30e80e-b23e-11-e-b2d3-000bcdca4d7a may have gotten confused at who he was calling a gold digger. Considering he is also going through an identity crises, it’s understandable.

TIE BREAKER: Our Children’s Survival

Tiebreaker Win- Cougs Rock (by forfeit) Unfortunately the only way to prove that me and Kent’s children would survive would be for me to have not gotten dumped. By default Cougs Rock takes the final win.

When It’s Over…That’s The Time I Fall In Love Again

Now that our relationship is over, I can’t help but relive some of the highlights from our relationship. Here are a few of my favorite memories

The Pick Up

When We First Met

First Public Display of Affection

Saying Goodbye

I am not sure how to officially end this, but I guess this is where me and Tuttle part ways. I would use the whole, “it’s not you it’s me,” line but I think it is pretty much implied at this point. Kent it was great while it lasted and I am really going to miss you and me on the internet.

What is Next?

I know I have built a big fan base since I joined the show (no I haven’t) but I regret to inform everyone that I will be dropping out. Unless… my coworker Vince is voted as the new Mormon Bachelor.

A little about Vince: Vince sits next to me at work and looks like Jack Black. He has no plans of ever becoming a dentist.


We all deserve a second chance at love.

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  • Reply Scott June 20, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    This was awesome! I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Now I’m not sure what to joke about when I see you.

  • Reply Dev June 20, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    That Robyn video was dead-on….
    And the Vince link? Genius.

  • Reply Laughing June 21, 2012 at 2:55 am

    Seriously…. so hilarious.

  • Reply sam June 21, 2012 at 3:46 am

    Carlybird, I loved you in Spider- Man 3.

  • Reply Leslie June 21, 2012 at 6:06 am

    HaHa. you’re hilarious, girl! I am bummed you & Kent broke up. My friend and I were rooting for you to be his lucky lady. You were the funnest of all the candidates.

  • Reply Melanie Jacobson June 21, 2012 at 6:31 am

    Funniest damn thing I’ve read this month.

  • Reply Melmor June 21, 2012 at 6:46 am

    HAHHAHAHAHA Carl!!!! I am so bummed we can’t be TMB sisters.

  • Reply Billy June 21, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    This. are. awesome.

    Great blog!

  • Reply Amy June 21, 2012 at 11:12 pm

    I am terribly sorry for your loss. But like we’re taught in Sunday School you have to find the beauty in all things, right? You went through all of that heartache, sorrow and pain in order for the fates to allow me to find your blog. I guess that’s really more my benefit than yours, so I guess I should say thank you. Thank you for having a terribly messy and public (and embarrassing) breakup, because this blog is kind of my favorite.

  • Reply katilda June 22, 2012 at 12:03 am

    this is probably the best TMB-related thing i’ve ever read. EVER.

  • Reply Jamie June 22, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    So funny! I wish you were still on the show. You’d make it interesting. Finally a girl with personality! At first I thought you were just doing the show to promote your blog, but yor blog is great and you are funny and sincere. So I apologize. Please consider staying on the show do we can see more of you!

  • Reply Andrea June 22, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    I have no idea how I came across your blog, though I have followed TMB from time to time. I must say, your app video was one of my favs, and this blog post also tops the list. Nice work. And so sorry for your heart ache. :)

  • Reply Andrea June 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    Happy to see my name on your cute, witty blog. :) Kent was one of my best friends in college and you had my vote pre-“new girlfriend”. You are darling, and hilarious. I’d pick you if I were the bachelor ( and didn’t have 3 kids and a husband!). Keep at it girl!

  • Reply Rebecca June 25, 2012 at 10:57 pm

    Love this. And don’t worry, your broken heart will make you more attractive to men like Kent! (Did you read his latest?)

  • Reply Kathleen June 26, 2012 at 2:26 am

    You are hilarious!

  • Reply Hannah June 26, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Hahah Carly you are so awesome! This was great. Boo Kent and those comments were so lame.

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