The STOP-IT office memo came at 4:55 today during a rainstorm of keyboard “click-clicks” and space bar “slams.” The chorus of computer taps could have easily been caused by a group of office junkies frantically putting together reports, but the memo knew better. So did Google. Google knew exactly what it was doing when it created the greatest threat to office productivity of all time: THE OLYMPIC GOOGLE DOODLE.
Today’s was hurdles. Tomorrow’s is basketball. We don’t stand a chance. None of us do. When you take an average joe chained to a desk and give them a chance to become an Olympic hero in the click of a button, what do you think is going to happen? It can take months of work, even years for some people to get recognition at the typical office job. Google offers you a medal an OLYMPIC GOLD MEDAL in less than 10 seconds for hitting a space bar super fast. Which do you think is going to win?
Time will be wasted. Jobs will be lost. And Google is laughing somewhere as it designs more Olympic Google Doodles that will sucker us all into thinking we have a shot at beating the guy in IT who treats street fighter as a second job.
Since there is nothing we can do about it, here are best practices for Google Doodling
1. Stay calm
When you get the g-chat from your co-worker that there is an Olympic Google Doodle act like you could care less. Keep your cool and try to pretend that you aren’t concerned about the cartoon athlete’s long torso and short legs. Miraculously enough, his body structure does not affect his performance doing hurdles.
2. Try not to click in patterns
While you are competing in the Olympic games try to click extra keys to throw everyone off.
3. Resist the urge to yell. Also, take screen shots.
When you reach victory (the best score in your office) don’t yell or attract attention. Take a screen shot so no one can question you and let your victory dance out with emoticons slapped all over an email chain.
4. Keep an open mind
The best tricks may come from other co-workers. Don’t let your pride keep you from trying the double-tap technique or the space bar instead of the ^ key. You can cut a couple seconds off your score (and company time) by learning from those around you.
Trick: one of the key findings we discovered today is that left-handed players can gain an advantage by turning their keyboard upside down. Adapt and conquer.
5. Don’t Sweat
Dead giveaway
6. Get it out of your system during your lunch break
After 5 minutes, if you suddenly find yourself on a downward spiral toward addiction, take your lunch break early. Use that time to secure a high score that will keep you from questioning your self-worth the rest of the day.
Best of luck to you all. May Google have mercy. Comment below with your best tricks and score. Obviously.
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