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A few years ago, I needed a new car. I had finally killed my college vehicle that had become my second home and a loving graveyard for all of my mix tapes and fast food wrappers.

Overwhelmed, I quickly went to the nearest dealership and test drove two cars. Within a half hour I was talked into potentially buying an orange Honda Fit by a salesman. Could I get it in the color I wanted? No. Was it long enough for my pencil arms? No. Was it the right price? No. Did it have a hatchback, a good warranty, and smell super nice? Yes. Lets take a second to let the stupidity sink in.

I really wanted this car. More than I wanted the one other car I drove. I was convinced it was the best new smelling car I could get and because negotiating makes me uncomfortable, I made the decision that I was going to get this car no matter the price.

Until, a friend called me.

“I can’t let people think I would hang out with someone who drives an orange Honda Fit,” he said. “I’ll help you shop tomorrow.”

Ironically enough this orange-Fit hating friend was a red head, but he was also insanely good at getting what he wanted. The next day he taught me one thing that has changed the way I buy cars, but more importantly, changed the way I date. It’s called: walking away.

After spending an entire day at dealerships, I learned two things:

• There were more fish in the sea, and more cars in my budget than I had initially researched
• Salesmen negotiated the best deals and made better recommendations if they knew you weren’t afraid to walk away.

It wasn’t a game of cat and mouse or a game of who cared less. It had nothing to do with either. It was a game of not settling, and getting exactly what I wanted.

I drove a bunch of cars and my friend quickly helped me make a list of what I had to have and couldn’t live without. Once I finished my checklist it made it simple to talk to car salesmen. Can I get it in this color? Yes. Can I get it for this price? No. WALK AWAY.

Easy right?

Not really. Not all women are built like red-headed men. We can sometimes get attached to things more quickly. You could give me a rock and by the end of the day I would have given it a name and be emotional about leaving it outside in the cold. So, it doesn’t come naturally for me to find a car, get attached to the sunroof, and pretend I am not crying inside as I walk away from it because the salesman wouldn’t fix the dent in the bumper. What if he didn’t come back with a counter offer? What if I didn’t find a car I liked as much? And most importantly, what if I never got to experience driving through Las Vegas with my torso through a sunroof?

I didn’t believe in the system until one day I finally got the car I wanted.

And I didn’t believe they system applied to dating until a couple years ago when I used that car to drive away from someone that I honestly believed I couldn’t live without.

Over the years, I have seen many friends stay in dead-end relationships and settle for what they don’t want because they are scared that if they walk away they won’t find what they are looking for. But the truth is: if you don’t walk away you GUARANTEE that you won’t find what you are looking for.

There are men that won’t commit to you, because they know you won’t walk away. There are men who won’t allow you to be true to yourself, because they know you will cave. And there are men who will continue to hurt you because they know in a game of chicken you would lose willingly.

I know because at different points in my life I have been there.

But I am grateful for the friend I had that told me Honda Fits were ugly. Just like I am grateful for the friend that helped me drive away from someone who was a really great person, but couldn’t give me what I wanted.

In short, if you need to buy a car or find a soul mate:

1. Find out what will make you happy
2. Ask for it
3. Be true to yourself, and walk away if you can’t get it

Some guys don’t counter offer.

Some guys don’t follow you when you leave.

But inevitably one guy will step up to the plate if you give him a chance. And these boots were made for walking toward that one.

Image Creds: Featured Image – 8 Tracks, Honda Fit – Edmunds

It’s been a little over a year since I moved from Utah to Los Angeles. I haven’t run into any celebrities besides Mario Lopez and parts of my car have not been stolen, so I am still considered a transplant. However, the header image of this post is not me looking sexy in a Dodger’s hat which pushes me higher on the LA local scale. (Having Jerry Sloan and Jef Holm on the header image pushes me back down to transplant, but lets pretend I have enough authority to write this post.) Since I left the mother ship, I have repeatedly been asked two questions from friends back home. 1) “When are you coming back?” 2) “What is it like to leave?”

To the former, when Utah stops doing this:

To the latter, this post is for you.

This past year has been a game changer. Enough to break my 3-month blogging sabbatical to tell my friends who are standing at the edge of an overcrowded pool in Provo somewhere… to jump ship. Also, to abandon LIME RICKI SWIMWEAR (<-link surprise). Here we go. A beginners guide to leaving Utah.

1. If You Leave, Don’t Look Back.

Not to get OMD. But really. The more you miss Provo, the worse your move will be. You can’t move forward if you are always looking back, so step one is to exhaust every ounce of your Provo being before you leave. Stock up on J Dawgs, hit up the Raintree pool, and date like it’s the 4th of July on University Avenue. When you start getting bored of history repeating itself, dance parties with Cotton Eye Joe, and mini golf, you will know- It’s time. It is time.

2. Don’t Panic When You Realize There Is No One to Date

I loved the things people used to tell me as I was getting in my car to leave the Mormon dating capital of the world. “It only takes one.” or “There are too many guys in Provo to choose from, dating will be so much easier in a smaller pool.” NOOO not true. It’s the worst. Ha ha.

Your options will never be as plentiful as Provo. And dating will never be as easy. Since people in Provo like to talk about dating like ice cream flavors, I made you a visual.

It doesn’t look good. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move.

One year later, I don’t have a husband or kids, but it doesn’t mean I am single, alone, or family-less. I am a committed partner to coworkers, I am a mom to friends who never had anyone to tell them to stop smoking weed, I am a sister to my close girlfriends, and I am a daughter to two bosses, a Bishop, and a Baptist Pastor.

Relationships I have built with strangers in an overwhelming city have been stronger than any relationship I built playing arcade games at Nickelcade with dates in Provo. And surprisingly, I am more happy. Relationships in and of themselves, are about learning to love someone else to the point where you couldn’t live without them. That doesn’t stop when you move. You actually learn how to do it better.

Also, you start to realize quickly that the people you want to date are the ones who have expanded their horizons. They are few and far between, but quality over quantity? That brown ice cream cone could be moose tracks.

3. Stop Acting Like You Are Still in Utah

When I first moved, I hated it. But it’s because I acted like I was living in Utah, when I clearly was not. I only hung out with friends from college, I only went to Provo-extended parties, I tried to plan 4 different events into one night regardless of the fact that LA has an insane problem with traffic, and I chose to eat at chain restaurants because they were cheap and familiar. I should be punished for single-handedly keeping Applebees in business.

One day I realized I was depriving myself of the only real experience I have ever had outside of Utah. I decided to do the opposite of what I normally would do and the tables turned. I fell in love with real Los Angeles food (it’s an art). I started hanging out with coworkers outside of work who became my best friends. I learned my neighbor’s viewpoint on alien abductions and looked up “must see” places around the city. I adapted to the culture and quickly became obsessed with the abnormal quirks of the strangest city I will ever live in.

4. Figure Out Who You Are When All Of Your 1,000 Best Friends Are Not Around

Freak. You don’t have to wear make up or shower when you leave Provo. Nobody will know you. I would rank this as my #1 reason to get out. There is a sense of freedom that comes with being able to do things on your own without worrying what people will think. These things include but are not limited to:

• Going to a movie by yourself
• Eating Taco Bell in bed
• Experimenting with leopard prints and high-wasted jeans
• Talking to strangers at dinner about alligator wrestling techniques
• Figuring out if you love Quinoa or if you think it tastes like rubber

I have learned more about myself this year than any other cumulative year in my entire life. This includes turning 14 and getting the puberty talk (Men reading this just shut their laptops).

5. Adopt Brad Pitt as a Godfather

As Brad Pitt said with his baby blues in World War Z, “Movement is Life.” If you move, you have a better chance at surviving a zombie apocolypse, but more importantly, you have a better chance of surviving a fate that I believe to be much worse…staying the same. A year from now, after you have left, when you think of all the tears, confusion, and the nights you were homesick for Sunday night dessert parties, you will look in the mirror and see someone that accomplished something hard and you will like yourself much better for doing it. Growth is a beautiful thing and as George Zimmer would say:

I currently sit in the armpit of Eric Chevalier. This is thanks to a free-thinker who thought they were benefiting society by shopping at Whole Foods and developing the stand up desk with abandoned Ikea furniture.

Our office recently gave everyone the option to get a stand up desk or to continue using chairs. This put me and my desk neighbor Eric in an awkward position, but mostly it put me at eye level with any object that rolls across the edge of his desk and into my forehead. As a result, over the last three months I have documented my coworkers with stand up desks to reveal the truth about taking a stand. Here are some of disadvantages I have noticed: (Note – All of the photos below were taken unknowingly over the course of three months. Dedication.)

1. Set Up

Building a piece of furniture from Ikea is about as stressful as taking the ACT. Except with the ACT you are guaranteed that the critical thinking nightmare won’t be longer than 4 hours. So unless you have an intern who will build the desk for you and measure your eye levels to guarantee optimal posture, stop. (So basically unless you have Spencer, which you don’t because we have him.)

2. Sidlers

Seinfeld introduced the “sideler” during its 162nd episode. A sideler is anyone who sneaks up behind you without you knowing. Refer to the pirated video below:

Because you are always standing, you are always in a vulnerable position for sidlers walking by. However, it could be argued that a professional sideler can commit to meeting various eye levels.

3. Full exposure to your feet.

Unless you have presentable shoes that also meet the comfort level needed to stand all day, stand up desks are not a good option for you. Vibram FiveFingers are also not a good option for you.

4. Nobody wants to stand all day.

This becomes a problem when you have a standing desk. As a result, I have seen all sorts of strange solutions to avoid the discomfort.

Standing on an inflateable.

Denial that you have a stand up desk.

Denial that you are at work.

Benefits?

So far, I have only seen one benefit to the stand up desk discovered by Ellen Lu. And that is, there is more space to hang photos of good looking men. Slow clap goes out to Ellen for making lemonade out of lemons, and a beautiful montage out of a somewhat disfunctional color printer.

What’s Next

Although some of you may continue to deny that your stand up desk is killing your feet and that you schedule meetings for no reason other than to sit in a chair, others might be interested in more comfortable alternatives. Here are some new up and coming trends I have seen in the office:

Arms elevated.

Feet elevated

Legs perpendicular

Laying down

Cardboard

Something to Sit On

What are your thoughts about standing desks? Ikea no Ikea? Maybe an upgrade to this sit-stand contraption? Or even better this desk that looks like it could be transformed into a segway? Or literally going the ‘extra mile’ with a treadmill addition? This trial with a unicycle addition didn’t go so well, but I’m open for comments and suggestions.

Google

For those of you who don’t know, I was recently featured on an internet dating show called The Mormon Bachelor as a bachelorette. It was announced today that the bachelor, Kent Tuttle, has decided to leave the show. I have had some rough break ups in the past, but I have to say that this one is probably the hardest. I wasn’t expecting a relationship with so much promise, and so many unique page views on the internet, to end so fast. I also wasn’t expecting to get dumped by Kent’s producer’s intern via iPhone (Devin you did a great job and should get a raise.) Since I didn’t get the bad news from Kent Tuttle himself, I am left to assume the worst. Here are just a few reasons why I think our relationship may have ended.

1. Not Playing Hard to Get

There are two rules to playing hard to get. A) Put in little to no effort B) Keep your affections mysterious. Considering the fact that I spent time filling out an application to date Kent Tuttle, followed by a web video, followed by a Facebook post with comments from my girlfriends that said, “You will thank me when you are in Kent Tuttle’s arms.” It was difficult to play the mysterious “maybe I like you, maybe I don’t” card.

2. Playing too Hard to Get

Unfortunately, when I applied for TMB (Lingo for The Mormon Bachelor) nobody informed me that Kent Tuttle would be moving into my ward before the show actually taped. Trying to start a conversation with someone you made a web video to date and never planned on seeing outside of context is harder than you would think. My solution? Running. It was sort of a “bad luck to see the bride before the wedding” type of mindset. Our date wasn’t for two weeks and I wanted our first moments together to be caught on camera for our future kids to see. What I didn’t realize while I was diving behind church pews, is that Kent was getting the impression that I wasn’t interested. My distance was the beginning of a downward spiral in our relationship that ultimately drove a heartbroken Tuttle into the arms of another woman.

3. Trust Issues

I started getting an uneasy feeling about me and Kent’s relationship on June 8th when I read the following statement on his blog, “I am 6’6″ and my high center of gravity makes surfing a little tricky for me.” I had the sinking feeling that he might have been lying. A few days later my worst fears were confirmed by an anonymous friend who happens to be 6’6″.

Our foundation of trust was shattered.

4. Revealing Deal Breakers

Emily Maynard charmed the world when she used the Flawless Flaws strategy on a recent episode of the Bachelorette. The Flawless Flaws strategy is simple. You reveal flaws that are just big enough to show you aren’t too perfect, but small enough to not be considered a party foul. For example one of Emily’s go-to’s is “I go to the grocery store in my pajamas.” By using simple phrases like this one, she is able to show the world that although she is gorgeous and a new-born celebrity…she is a real person too.

In my efforts to seem real and relateable on camera, I revealed several flaws on my audition tape. Unfortunately, I underestimated the impact my honesty would have on Kent, Cougs Rock, and 5b30e80e-b23e-11-e-b2d3-000bcdca4d7a. Read below…

The flaws I revealed were shocking enough to elicit a “wow” response from both blog commenters. Coincidence? I don’t think so. It was looking very possible that my plan backfired and that I revealed deal breakers instead of minor road bumps too early in the relationship. In an effort to prove I was still worthy of Kent’s love I recently ran to the only place I could think of to get honest raw feedback, Venice Beach…. I asked the following men if each of these things were deal breakers.

Battle For Kent’s Love: COUGS ROCK VS. CARLYBIRD

Round 1: No Cooking Skills

Round 1 Winner- Carlybird. This response was common from the males I interviewed at Venice beach. Shocking? Not really. Yes Cougs Rock, guys outside of Provo don’t live off of frozen taquitos, hot pockets, and whatever is left over in the neighbor girl’s pantry. Man up and buy a skillet.

Round 2: Bad Driving

Round 2 Winner- Cougs Rock. I would like to respectfully apologize to Cougs Rock and drivers everywhere for not holding my circle.

Round 3: Bad Dancing

Round 3 Winner- Cougs Rock. In this instance, I am really glad that Cougs Rock tried to stop me from dancing before it was too late. I am very lucky I made it this far in the competition without getting shot. Since I live in LA, I am lucky I haven’t been shot in general but it’s good to know that revealing my Robyn-like dance moves could increase my chances.

Round 4: Gold Digging

Round 4 Winner- CarlyBird It looks like 5b30e80e-b23e-11-e-b2d3-000bcdca4d7a may have gotten confused at who he was calling a gold digger. Considering he is also going through an identity crises, it’s understandable.

TIE BREAKER: Our Children’s Survival

Tiebreaker Win- Cougs Rock (by forfeit) Unfortunately the only way to prove that me and Kent’s children would survive would be for me to have not gotten dumped. By default Cougs Rock takes the final win.

When It’s Over…That’s The Time I Fall In Love Again

Now that our relationship is over, I can’t help but relive some of the highlights from our relationship. Here are a few of my favorite memories

The Pick Up

When We First Met

First Public Display of Affection

Saying Goodbye

I am not sure how to officially end this, but I guess this is where me and Tuttle part ways. I would use the whole, “it’s not you it’s me,” line but I think it is pretty much implied at this point. Kent it was great while it lasted and I am really going to miss you and me on the internet.

What is Next?

I know I have built a big fan base since I joined the show (no I haven’t) but I regret to inform everyone that I will be dropping out. Unless… my coworker Vince is voted as the new Mormon Bachelor.

A little about Vince: Vince sits next to me at work and looks like Jack Black. He has no plans of ever becoming a dentist.

To Vote: CLICK HERE

We all deserve a second chance at love.