I can’t name the number of times a woman has said to me, “I love him. Even though he wears cargo shorts and tennis shoes, I love him.”
I would like to make a bold statement.
Women. Women everywhere. I don’t believe you love him despite the cargo shorts, I believe you love him BECAUSE of the cargo shorts.
I said it. I am not taking it back.
Lets start from the beginning.
Why Cargo Shorts Were Taken Away
Thanks to an anonymous tip (ahem Russell) I don’t believe cargo shorts were taken away because of style issues. I believe they were taken off the “chic” list out of spite. Women designers were offended that men didn’t think girls looked sexy in the rompers they painstakingly tried to make popular. Yes. Because their terrible invention was banished to Forever 21 for not looking good on the majority of women, they retaliated by taking the most useful item of clothing men have and made them… shameful.
I am sorry. I am fighting back.
Three Reasons To Become an Advocate for Cargo Shorts
Reason 1: Storage Space
Let’s start with the obvious. The pockets on these shorts could fit an entire purse in them if need be, giving you the freedom to frolic through concerts, clubs, and rodeos (yes, looping in cowboys) without worrying about your wallet, iPhone, lipstick, etc. In summary, cargo shorts: no storage issues. Guy that is wearing the same pants as you: storage issues.
Reason 2: Cargo Shorts = Pre-Conditioned Survival Skills
How many Eagle Scouts do you know that don’t own a pair of cargo shorts? How many wilderness-obsessed men have you met that have never experimented with the double or triple zip-off pant?
If there were a zombie apocalypse which one of these guys would you team up with to survive? Take some time out of your day to answer these questions for yourself.
Reason 3: Rage Against the Machine
If you are the type of woman that is attracted to rebels (every woman, so I am speaking to every woman right now.) You should realize that wearing a pair of cargo shorts with Nikes and socks is a bold statement. It’s a guy saying, “I am not like you and I don’t care if Vogue is throwing a fit right now.” It’s a guy that is actually rebelling against the majority unlike the hipster on your doorstep who begs to be unique by manipulating his facial hair but could literally cut himself out of an Urban Outfitters catalog.
To help you all appreciate men in cargo shorts I created a board of men in cargo shorts on Pinterest. Click here to solidify any remaining doubts you may have about this legendary menswear item.
Have a Strong Opinion About Cargo Shorts?
Comment below if you agree, disagree, or hate this blog. Also, if I have done my worst and you need a pair right now, click here.
5 Comments
I laughed out loud at this post. I have, on multiple points, groaned out loud when my husband picks up ANOTHER pair of cargo shorts of the clothes rack. I think I’ve come a titch closer to a paradigm shift (my husband thanks you). The most persuasive point had to be the post apocalypse theory.
Thanks Erica. I am glad I could help ha ha.
I disagree that we like them. I don’t think men really like women in baby doll tops but that’s what they have to choose from.
Limited options. Solution: Build-A-Babe. Sorta like Build a Bear, but the stuffing process doesn’t include microfiber. Also, you don’t get to name them.
I see I’m a little late to the party. But I was at work today, it suddenly dawned on me that people still wear cargo shorts, and I nearly had an anxiety attack. So I googled cargo shorts to see just what the supporting arguments were.
As much as I hate cargo shorts, I understand and appreciate the hipster vs. real man argument. But I think your characterization of spineless hipsters as the only alternative to sick bros like The Situation draws is a little misleading. You’re leaving out these guys:
http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0077/0432/t/4/assets/slide3.jpg?2423
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1193/561173068_359257e092.jpg
http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/002/323/710/rivals_display_image.jpg?1339805690
http://www.chubbiesshorts.com/
First of all, I have totally been arguing this for awhile so I am so glad I came across this post! It was a good read and helps that I was bias towards the argument :] The second thing is I have loved cargo pants for ever and its mostly because they have a plentitude of pockets. People who know me know that I dig pockets. Especially in dresses.
Anyway thank you for carrying on the good fight!