I met Jay Tibbitts at Freshmen orientation 2005 in Rexburg, Idaho. He was so hot I couldn’t help myself. Or at least that’s what I got from this poorly narrated video documenting one of our first conversations.
Back then, Jay was part of a college gang called the Turtles who was in rival with a gang I rolled with (literally) called the Scoots (we rode razor scooters to school.) Surprisingly, our relationship survived this My Little Ponies version of Romeo and Juliet and 7 years, 2 ankle touches, a game of footsie, and 1/2 a back rub later we are still friends with benefits.
As much as I wish I could say this post is about me and Jay Tibbitts, it is actually about another gang/band he joined 4 years later called Parlor Hawk and their Kickstarter for their second album.
Band Promotion?!?!
Yes, I sucked you in with a flaxen cord and a hint of a chick flick only to lure you into buying a t-shirt, album, and VIP backstage passes for life from a band in Provo, UT. But it’s in your best interest so hear me out.
You may be the type of hipster that needs no explanation and has a collection of music T’s documenting your loyalty to all bands raging against the record label machine. If so, props. Party on with that Burt Reynolds mustache. But there are other reasons you should support ridiculously good looking musicians and this is where I come in.
3 Reasons You Should Donate to the Parlor Hawk Kickstarter
1. Pay It Forward
I made a graph to show you how helping someone else follow their dream may in turn help you follow your own. Here is my ROI (Return on Investment) from being a dedicated PH band fan for the last 4 years.
Ironic, but Carly Bird came from a Parlor Hawk. If you are as emotional as me after taking this journey you can get a book of more Parlor Hawk memories by clicking here.
2. Romance
I use this term loosely because I haven’t in fact ever kissed a member of Parlor Hawk and because most the members are married to babes. However, this doesn’t mean you can’t find romance listening to their album you pre-ordered here on a velvet green couch backstage at Velour only accessible by buying the VIP access for life package found here.
It also doesn’t mean you can’t take advantage of the private “drum lessons” with Jay offered here.
3. American Apparel T-shirts
I can’t tell you number of times a guy has complimented my Parlor Hawk T-shirt, said “I wish I had one it looks comfortable,” and then had an immediate desire to give me a back rub. If you are wearing silk, denim, or any fabric from Forever 21, consider your chances of a good cuddle session severely low in comparison to these gems.
Also, my good friend Kristopher Orr frequently Instagrams his T-shirt and has found that it get’s him more double-tap likes and women than any other photographed item of clothing.
Closing Statement
I could go on and on about reasons why you should stop getting frustrated with the Parlor Hawk ads running up your Facebook feed and start clicking on them (especially ones like these that are hilarious), but I would rather just sum it up with this.
Give some love/money to my friend Jay Tibbitts and his band because they sing great music, seduce great women, and would help you reach your dreams the same way you are helping them if they ever had the chance.
Support your local Parlor Hawk. Donate to their Kickstarter here.
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